Confession: I was a tomboy. The scarred legs, mystery bruises, ripped clothing type of tomboy. I always thought boys had more fun. You could not pay me to wear anything pink; blue was my color. I wanted nothing to do with girls. Of course my views softened over the years, but my fashion didn't catch up until much later when I couldn't get enough of flirty looks.
After a few years of snarky and damaging comments from people, I went back to tomboy mode. I felt unsafe and a bit conspicuous because I was ALWAYS dressed up - even to go to the laundromat. I enjoyed it though. The clothes, the makeup, the perfume. It all made me feel so fabulous. I still can't pinpoint the moment when I decided to revert to blending in, but eventually it became my default. I wore jeans and t-shirts everywhere and panicked if I was invited somewhere nice because I knew I didn't have anything nice to wear.
Until now.
I've been weaning myself off jeans. I dress up at least once a week (I have to start somewhere) and I've dusted off my trunk case of makeup and my beloved Ruby Woo lipstick. This past summer, I had a Dorothy Dandridge moment with a white off-the-shoulder top and black pencil skirt with my leopard print pumps and it felt wonderful. So now I'm trying to get to the place where every day is like that day.
I'm also reading the controversial book Fascinating Womanhood in an effort to smooth some of my rougher edges. I know a woman who naturally behaves this way and men are drawn to her like bees to honey. I always wondered what her secret is and she always said "Just be open." I thought she was holding out on me, but now I understand what she meant and I've been making an effort to open myself to new experiences. Anyway, I'm still reading and I post a review when I'm finished, but so far so good.
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